Some Of The Thoughts That I had while Trying to Keep Up With My Girlfriend on a Triathlon

Last Sunday my girlfriend and I completed the caveman triathlon, a sprint triathlon in Flower Mound Texas. And man, was it something.

A word about me and Kim

As many of you know, Kim is my girlfriend. We love each other very much.

We’ve been doing racing events for over a year now and kim has beaten me in just about every single one.

2015 race for the Cure: she beat me by 1 minute.

2015 turkey trot: beat me by 10 minutes.

2016 cowtown half:  20 minutes.

2016 Tour De Fleurs (20k): somewhere around a freaking hour if not more.

2016 dallas marathon:  a freaking hour.

Her: 5 hours Me: 6:02 Done and done. #bmwdallasmarathon

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Last year in the caveman triathlon, her first one, she beat me by a few minutes.  Now mind you, the wet ground kept me from using my aero bars, but her run neutralized her slow swim and then some, leaving me minutes behind.

But that was also when she was slow. While I have been training this year more than ever, so has she. With private training in an endless pool and actually doing the workouts that her coach gives her she’s poised to have her fastest year yet.

His and hers.

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Race day

We barely got to the race in time to set up our transition areas. We piled into a little gymnasium adjacent to the pool near the swim would be happening. We put similar swim times down so I started right after her. I made my way through the water quickly after seeing a maneuver by another swimmer to kick off the wall and swim under the lane divider as opposed to going underneath the lane divider and then kicking off from the wall. I passed kim up quickly and then moved into the bike.

My transition from swim to bike was atrocious but my bike was strong. With an average of 17 mph (shut up, that’s a lot for me) I moved my way through the field and posted my fastest cycle time yet.

And that’s where things got interesting.

I got off my bike and went through transition and started the run. The run route starts in a path near the community center and is next to the end of the cycling route. So in other words you can see the cyclists finishing up the bike if you look for them. Which I was doing. I was looking for kim. And I found her.

Okay so this picture that I made with Paint explains where I saw her.  The red line is me on my run.  I started at the at the green dot near Gerault Park, ran through Heritage Park, out to garden Ridge Road, turned around and ran back through the park, then ran up on a path that meets Big Canyon Road and then back down to the finish, which is represented by the checkered dot.  The Green line represents Kim’s cycle; she was coming in to the parking lot when I saw her by way of the green line.  The blue circle represents where I saw her.  Remember that it’s swim/bike/run and there’s not that much more to go in the bike when I see her.  Maybe another quarter mile AT BEST which would take another minute on a bike at the speed she was going.

At that point, I started a mental…something. It wasn’t a dialogue per se because I was the only one there, but I was thinking pretty hard.  It went something like this.:

“Oh sh*t, there she goes!  I think she saw me.”
“She looks pretty good.  She looks strong”
“Oh I think she might pass me!  Oh sh*t she’s gonna pass me!”
“huff huff huff [I mean, I’m still running so I’m breathing hard]”
“Okay so this is a 5k.  So I need to be ahead of her when she starts running.  Like, far ahead.  How far ahead?”
“Okay.  We started at the same time today.  So we’re equal there.”
“Okay, if train A leaves the station…”

Pictured above: Me trying to figure out how far ahead of her I need to be when she starts running.

“Huff, huff, huff”
“Okay okay okay hang on.  Hang on hang on.  Okay.  So, she’s a minute per mile faster than me on the run.”
“So I need to be three minutes ahead of her when she starts running.”
“Wait.  Why am I even doing this? I’m calculating how far ahead I am going to be in front of my girlfriend to beat her?  What type of sh*t is this?”
“Wait.  How can I even call myself a feminist when I am calculating this sort of thing?  I’m such a sh*tty feminist!”
“Huff, huff, huff.”
“Okay we’re gonna have to come back to this existential crisis later.”
“So from where she is, she has a minute left on the bike.  And then 2 minutes in transition.  So I should make it as long as I can stay around 10:30 minute miles.”
“Gawd this is fast for me.  Maybe I should just give up and let her have it.”
“No, I can do this, I can make it.”
“Huff, huff, huff.”
“Okay, turn around.  Is she back there? [looks back] Okay not yet.  Let’s keep going.”

This went on for another 20 minutes or so until I got to the finish.  I finished ahead of her.  At this point I don’t know if that was a moral victory or what.  Also, no word on how much time I lost turning my body to look back and see if she was there.

Ultimately I finished in 1 hour and 21 minutes, my fastest time yet for a triathlon and qualifying me for the Best of the Best Triathlon in November, which is another reason I can’t get fat.  Ugh.  So many reasons.

here’s the proof. i figured this was for fast people. now i got one. whatever you say, racing company.

So now I have to keep training so I can not get embarrassed at this thing.  So if I win my age group does that make me the “best of the best of the best?”  That reference is for Chris.

I will be 100 years old and still never get over this scene. Freakin’ Jake Jensen, man. With honors.

Caveman triathlon. PR’ed by 9 minutes or so. Not a bad morning.

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As for Kim and I, it’s only a matter of time at this point.  She’ll be faster than me by the next triathlon if not already. She’s been working up a storm and I’m happy for her.

#WorkoutWednesday: We are All this Cyclist

I mean, we’ve all been here before.  Anyone who uses clips was once this cyclist.  Sometimes I’m still this cyclist.

I’ve been talking to my girlfriend about cycling and i am positive that this will be her as soon as she gets her clips.

And every one of us has the horror story of hitting the brakes and putting the left foot down and then falling over on the right foot.


If you’re wondering, there is a way for this not to happen:

#WorkoutWednesday: They Must Have Shot this Video in my Gym or Something.

(featured image via screenshot)

Two things for today.

1.  This person is very good at cycling.  Did you think you were good at it?  She is better than you.

2.  These people are in EVERY SINGLE GYM THAT I AM IN.  My goodness.  At least get off the treadmill when you want to look at your phone.

#WorkoutWednesday: Man, This Sucks For this Person

I watch things on the internet sometimes.  This came across my Facebook…You know what man, just roll the tape.


So much is happening here.

I am a member of several organizations that have watched this video and have critical responses.  Here are some of them, with my comments in italics.

  1. That’s my move: get up and walk away! Fo’ real (makes sense, but how did this video get on the internet?).
  2. He has the worst balance ever (Fo’ Real.  He was on this thing for maybe one-mississippi).
  3. Why he all kitted up? He was in his house (that is a REALLY GOOD QUESTION.  he is decked out.  you save all that until the weekends, for real [note:  a “kit” is an outfit that you wear on race day.  if I’m just training in my apartment I am NOT wearing my Sunday best])!
  4. Ok, maybe I dont need to get rollers. I will stay with the trainer!!This is somewhat accurate.  There is a big difference between a trainer and rollers.  Rollers are hard.  Unless you’re this guy, apparently:


I feel bad for this guy, but I still want to know how this video got on the internet.  It didn’t fall up there.  Also, what’s up with that picture on the left?

#WorkoutWednesday: Here is a Great Video About Cycling

This is a great video from Austrailia about cycling.  Everyone needs to see it and remember that we’re all human (featured image via screenshot)