Last Sunday my girlfriend and I completed the caveman triathlon, a sprint triathlon in Flower Mound Texas. And man, was it something.
A word about me and Kim
As many of you know, Kim is my girlfriend. We love each other very much.
We’ve been doing racing events for over a year now and kim has beaten me in just about every single one.
2015 race for the Cure: she beat me by 1 minute.
2015 turkey trot: beat me by 10 minutes.
2016 cowtown half: 20 minutes.
2016 Tour De Fleurs (20k): somewhere around a freaking hour if not more.
2016 dallas marathon: a freaking hour.
Last year in the caveman triathlon, her first one, she beat me by a few minutes. Now mind you, the wet ground kept me from using my aero bars, but her run neutralized her slow swim and then some, leaving me minutes behind.
But that was also when she was slow. While I have been training this year more than ever, so has she. With private training in an endless pool and actually doing the workouts that her coach gives her she’s poised to have her fastest year yet.
We barely got to the race in time to set up our transition areas. We piled into a little gymnasium adjacent to the pool near the swim would be happening. We put similar swim times down so I started right after her. I made my way through the water quickly after seeing a maneuver by another swimmer to kick off the wall and swim under the lane divider as opposed to going underneath the lane divider and then kicking off from the wall. I passed kim up quickly and then moved into the bike.
My transition from swim to bike was atrocious but my bike was strong. With an average of 17 mph (shut up, that’s a lot for me) I moved my way through the field and posted my fastest cycle time yet.
And that’s where things got interesting.
I got off my bike and went through transition and started the run. The run route starts in a path near the community center and is next to the end of the cycling route. So in other words you can see the cyclists finishing up the bike if you look for them. Which I was doing. I was looking for kim. And I found her.
Okay so this picture that I made with Paint explains where I saw her. The red line is me on my run. I started at the at the green dot near Gerault Park, ran through Heritage Park, out to garden Ridge Road, turned around and ran back through the park, then ran up on a path that meets Big Canyon Road and then back down to the finish, which is represented by the checkered dot. The Green line represents Kim’s cycle; she was coming in to the parking lot when I saw her by way of the green line. The blue circle represents where I saw her. Remember that it’s swim/bike/run and there’s not that much more to go in the bike when I see her. Maybe another quarter mile AT BEST which would take another minute on a bike at the speed she was going.
At that point, I started a mental…something. It wasn’t a dialogue per se because I was the only one there, but I was thinking pretty hard. It went something like this.:
“Oh sh*t, there she goes! I think she saw me.”
“She looks pretty good. She looks strong”
“Oh I think she might pass me! Oh sh*t she’s gonna pass me!”
“huff huff huff [I mean, I’m still running so I’m breathing hard]”
“Okay so this is a 5k. So I need to be ahead of her when she starts running. Like, far ahead. How far ahead?”
“Okay. We started at the same time today. So we’re equal there.”
“Okay, if train A leaves the station…”
Pictured above: Me trying to figure out how far ahead of her I need to be when she starts running.
“Huff, huff, huff”
“Okay okay okay hang on. Hang on hang on. Okay. So, she’s a minute per mile faster than me on the run.”
“So I need to be three minutes ahead of her when she starts running.”
“Wait. Why am I even doing this? I’m calculating how far ahead I am going to be in front of my girlfriend to beat her? What type of sh*t is this?”
“Wait. How can I even call myself a feminist when I am calculating this sort of thing? I’m such a sh*tty feminist!”
“Huff, huff, huff.”
“Okay we’re gonna have to come back to this existential crisis later.”
“So from where she is, she has a minute left on the bike. And then 2 minutes in transition. So I should make it as long as I can stay around 10:30 minute miles.”
“Gawd this is fast for me. Maybe I should just give up and let her have it.”
“No, I can do this, I can make it.”
“Huff, huff, huff.”
“Okay, turn around. Is she back there? [looks back] Okay not yet. Let’s keep going.”
This went on for another 20 minutes or so until I got to the finish. I finished ahead of her. At this point I don’t know if that was a moral victory or what. Also, no word on how much time I lost turning my body to look back and see if she was there.
Ultimately I finished in 1 hour and 21 minutes, my fastest time yet for a triathlon and qualifying me for the Best of the Best Triathlon in November, which is another reason I can’t get fat. Ugh. So many reasons.
here’s the proof. i figured this was for fast people. now i got one. whatever you say, racing company.
So now I have to keep training so I can not get embarrassed at this thing. So if I win my age group does that make me the “best of the best of the best?” That reference is for Chris.
I will be 100 years old and still never get over this scene. Freakin’ Jake Jensen, man. With honors.
As for Kim and I, it’s only a matter of time at this point. She’ll be faster than me by the next triathlon if not already. She’s been working up a storm and I’m happy for her.